The journey begins.

All of my life, I have been fat. My weight changes, but I've never been a normal size. I cannot tell you in words what it means to live a life like this. To say it is utterly depressing doesn't quite cover it. I have no self-esteem, and I hate being around people - any people -even my own family. I am afraid to show them how fat I am.

Some might propose that changing this is easy. I wish it were so. It may be as "simple" as eating less and exercising more, but its difficult for someone to do that when they are a obsessive compulsive overeater. Until now, I have always tried to diet and exercise with complete perfection. My constant failures have resulted me doing the exact opposite and being obese.

I was successful over 5 years ago by simply going on a low-carbohydrate lifestyle, and by exercising one hour a day for six days a week. Since then I have tried to do extremes - extremely low carbohydrate diets, and exercising for multiple hours a day. Because these things are impossible to do for those who are not fit, I have failed. I have finally realized that this is a journey, and not a race. I must do what worked before. And I will - with one difference - I will track everything I do. I need to do this, in order to keep myself accountable.

I will post on here everyday, and update my fit day account (see the link on the side) on a daily basis. The whole world can know what I eat and what I do for exercise. I have called this blog a 200 pound journey, because that is what it is - I am at my all time high weight of what I believe is 400 pounds. I cant be sure, since I'm so fat the scale does not register my actual weight. I need to lose over 200 pounds. And by seeing that number everyday, I can know that this is a long journey - but it is one which I must undertake or die.

I have decided to begin the journey today - Tuesday, April 1 2008. I am starting a PhD program in August, and while I have no delusions of being "skinny" by then, I hope to be well on my way in feeling comfortable with my weight.

Let the journey begin right now...